Healthy Food Chart

I am 5’7 almost 5’8 and I weigh 110-112 pounds. I know its thin and considered “underweight” but it is where I am comfortable being, I do not look too thin, I just look very lean and muscular.

However, I am terrified of gaining weight. My family is NO where close to the thin side, and I love them but sometimes it makes me cringe looking at them. I’m afraid that might happen to me.

I work out 3 times a week burning about 700-800 calories in the gym. I usually spend about 2 hours in the gym, and one day of the week I play 7 on 7 soccer. During the week I eat about 1000-1200 calories

I know this isn’t healthy but I don’t want to gain weight…

I did the harris benedict equation thing and it said just by existing I burn about 1367 per day, then with moderate exercise that number increases to 2119 (I don’t know if what I do is considered moderate exercise)

So i guess if i consume 2119 calories a day I won’t gain weight, is this true?
I have a hard time believing it and I doubt I could get myself to consume that many calories, I would feel so fat, and have a huge guilt trip. I count everything I put into my mouth. I often feel guilty consuming 1500 calories.

for instance today I did a cardio kickboxing class, ran 3 miles, did some strength training, and did a little rock climbing I burned about 1000 calories and ate 1133 today, and I’m kind of afraid to eat anymore

I know that if I eat to little my body will actually go into starvation mode and store fat, but for some reason my mind doubts that. I don’t feel that hungry but it could be my guilt just telling my brain that.

On the weekends I try to eat a little more, I might have a treat like a mini blizzard or a burrito, something I will never allow my self during the week, but i feel really guilty afterwards… On the weekends I consume about 1500-2000 calories which might be bad cause I don’t work out as much.

how much should I be eating to not gain ANY weight and how do I get over the guilt of consuming more than 1200 calories? Please help!